Hello, this is probably 438-9012, yes, the house of the famous statistician. I’m probably not at home, or not wanting to answer the phone, most probably the latter, according to my latest calculations. Supposing that the universe doesn’t end in the next 30 seconds, the odds of which I’m still trying to calculate, you can leave your name, phone number, and message, and I’ll probably phone you back. So far the probability of that is about 0.645. Have a nice day.
(Theme music and voice from Alfred Hitchcock Presents:) Good evening. I’m sorry, but Steve can’t come to the phone now, as he’s quite tied up. (Sounds of struggle in background, and voice heard through a gag.) I should know. I tied him up. But leave your name and number, and he’ll return your call if he manages to get free. And speaking of things that are not free, we now have this word from our sponsor…
We’re not in cause we’re out LOOTING! Leave a message and we’ll call you back and tell you what we got
Hi. This is David. I’ve shut the ringers off on my phones and taken a sedative. As soon as I finish this recording I’m going to bed indefinitely. When I wake up, I’ll play my messages. Please leave one.
We can’t get to the phone right now because we were killed in the earthquake. Tragic, isn’t it? But, leave a message anyway, someone is sure to get it eventually
To the tune of Sidewalk Surfing by the Beach Boys:) Catch a quake and go seismo surfing with me… (Music fades.) Yo, Dudes and Dudettes! Grab your skateboard and head for the nearest epicenter, because *QUAKE’S UP*! As for me, I’m from New Jersey, so I’m gonna hide under the biggest doggone piece of furniture I can find. Leave your message at the tone, and I’ll get back to you as soon as the shaking stops
Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.
I can’t come to the phone right now because I’m down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills. If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone. If you’re from the Department of the Treasury, please ignore this message
Hi, this is the answering machine. I am on strike. Any messages you leave will be deleted.
Thank you for calling the Smith residence. Our operators are presently on strike in sympathy with Major League Baseball. Please leave a message