Jokes - Funny Jokes at Loudjokes.com

On a sunny day, two fathers and two sons went fishing.
Each one of them caught one fish.
When they went home, there were only three fish.
why?

Because a grandfather, a father and a son went fishing.

Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long ice fishing. One
has been having no luck at all, while the other has been pulling fish
after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man having no luck finally
leans over and asks the other what his secret is.

“mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm,” is the reply.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm,” the successful fisherman repeats.

“I’m sorry, I still didn’t understand you.” The man spits something
into his hand and says very clearly,

“You’ve got to keep your worms warm.”

In January 1994, at the Lake Como Fish and Game Club near Syracuse, N.Y., Brian Carr beat out three dozen competitors in the annual ice-fishing derby, with 155 catches. The temperature that day was minus 30, and the prize money for the top three anglers was $8, $6.50, and $5.

Fishing season hasn’t opened and a fisherman who doesn’t have a license, is casting for trout as a stranger approaches and asks: Any luck?
Any luck? This is a wonderful spot. I took 10 out of this stream yesterday, he boasts.

Is that so? By the way, do you know who I am? asks the stranger.

Nope.

Well, meet the new game warden.

Oh, gulped the fisherman. Well, do you know who I am?

Nope.

Meet the biggest liar in the state!

One jerk on one end of the line waiting for a jerk on the other end!

Two fishermen travel 100 miles to try out a new fishing spot. They buy a variety of bait and lures and rent a boat. After a long day of fishing, the two fishermen return to the dock. The first fisherman pulls their only catch from the live well, a scrawny bass just legal size. He says, Boy! This fish cost us about $75. The second fisherman says, Well it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more.

Trollin’, trollin’ trollin’
Trollin’, trollin’ trollin’
Trollin’, trollin’ trollin’
Trollin’, trollin’ trollin’, Walleye
Trollin’, trollin’ trollin’
Lakes and streams are swollen
Fingers nearly frozen, Walleye
Through wind and rainy weather
We’re in this boat together
Six packs, lures and leeches by our side
I’ve been drowning shiners
Searching with depth finders
Tryin’ to get a big one on the line
CHORUS:
Bait ‘em up, cast ‘em out
Cast ‘em out, bait ‘em up
Bait ‘em up, cast ‘em out, Walleye
Gut ‘em out, fry ‘em up
Fry ‘em up, gut ‘em out
Gut ‘em out, fry ‘em up, Walleye
Keep movin’, movin’, movin’
Though they’re disapprovin’
We’ll find out where they’re schooin’,
Walleye
My heart is contemplatin’
A big fish that’s a-waitin’
Waitin’ at the end of my line
Don’t try to understand ‘em
Just set the hook and land ‘em
Soon we’ll be listenin’ to ‘em fry
Bait ‘em up, cast ‘em out
Cast ‘em out, bait ‘em up
Bait ‘em up, cast ‘em out, Walleye
Gut ‘em out, fry ‘em up
Fry ‘em up, gut ‘em out
Gut ‘em out, fry ‘em up, Walleye

(lead guitar solo)

Bait ‘em up, cast ‘em out
Cast ‘em out, bait ‘em up
Bait ‘em up, cast ‘em out, Walleye
Gut ‘em out, fry ‘em up
Fry ‘em up, gut ‘em out
Gut ‘em out, fry ‘em up, Walleye
Trollin’, trollin’ trollin’
Trollin’, trollin’ trollin’
Trollin’, trollin’ trollin’
Trollin’, trollin’ trollin’, Walleye

A fisherman was fishing a lake that he has never had any luck on. But this day he was catching a fish it seemed on every other cast. When he was done for the day he had caught way too many fish over the limit but he decided he would keep them all even though he would be breaking the law. Half way home the Game Warden pulls him over and asks him to see his fish. When the man shows the warden the fish the Warden yells you have caught too many!! The fisherman says calmly “those are not fish out of the lake” he states they are his pet fish and everyday he lets them go in the lake to feed. The Warden not believing this says then how do you get them back. The fisherman says he whistles and the jump into his boat one by one. Well the Warden having heard every excuse says he just has to see this. The Warden and the fisherman both head out on the lake and stop in a cove. The Warden tells him to let the fish go, and cooperating the man lets all his fish go. After a couple minutes pass, the Game Warden tells him to whistle and get the fis back. Very calmly the fisherman replies “What Fish.”

Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, “Jesus, I’ve suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War. Could you help me?”
“Of course, my son,” Jesus said. And, when he touched the man’s back he felt relief for the first time in years.

The second guy who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving , asked if Jesus could do anything about his poor eyesight. Jesus smiled, removed the man’s glasses and tossed them into the lake. When they hit the water, the man’s eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.

When Jesus turned to the third guy, the guy put his hands out defensively. “Don’t touch me!” he cried. “I’m on a disability pension.”

Henry’s son, David, burst into the house, crying. His mother asked him what the problem was. “Daddy and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, while he was reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away.” “Now come on, David,” his mother said, “a big boy like you shouldn’t be crying about an accident like that. You should have just laughed it off.” “But that’s just what I did, mommy.”