Jokes - Funny Jokes at Loudjokes.com

Possible titles for Monica Lewinsky’s new book

1. I Suck At My Job

2. What Really Goes Down In The White House

3. How I Blew It In Washington

4. You Have to Work Hard to Find the Softer Side of the President

5. Clear and Present Boner

6. Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule

7. Going Back for Gore

8. Podium Girl

9. Secret Services to the President

10. Harass is Not Two Words: The Story of Bill Clinton

11. Deep Inside The Oval Office

12. The Congressional Study on White House Intern Positions

13. She’s Chief of MY Staff!

14. Al Gore Is In Command For The Next 30 Minutes

15. How To Beat Off the Government

16. Going Down and Moving Up

17. Members of the Presidential Cabinet

18. Me and My Big Mouth

19. How To Get Ahead in Business

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch.

As they read the menu, the waitress comes over and asks Clinton,
“Are you ready to order?” Clinton replies, “Yes, I’d like a
quickie!”

“A quickie?!?” the waitress replies. “Sir, given the past
situation of your personal life I don’t think that is a good idea.
I’ll come back when you are ready to order from the menu!” She walks
away.

Gore leans over to Clinton and says, “It’s pronounced Quiche.”

Q: What’s the difference between Monica Lewinsky and the rest of us?
A: In order for us to get some dick in the White House, we had to go out and vote.

Q: How will history remember Bill Clinton?
A: The President after Bush.

Q: What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy?
A: One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the White House, the other is a chocolate Lab.

Q: What does Clinton say to interns as they leave his office?
A: “Don’t hit your head on the desk.”

Q: Did you hear about the Bill Clinton sale at clothing stores on President’s day?
A: All pants half off.

Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and the Buffalo Bills have in common?
A: They both blew the big one several times.

Q: What was the first thing Monica saw in government?
A: The Executive Branch.

Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and soda pop machines have in common?
A: They both have slots which say “Insert Bill” here.”

Whats the difference between Bill Clinton & J.F.K?

One got his head blown off in the back of a limousine & the other got assasinated.

Sources close to President Clinton say he is proposing a new
national anthem for the United States, “Yank my Dandy Doodle!”

Janet Reno and Hilary Clinton were engaging in typical girl talk. Hilary told Janet how lucky she was not having men make unwanted advances towards her, and that she never knew where Bill’s pecker was the night before. Janet Reno remarked that just because she wasn’t beautiful didn’t mean that men didn’t make passes at her.

So Hillary asked Janet how she warded off these unwanted sexual advances and Janet told her that whenever a man made an unwanted pass at her, she mustered up the loudest, stinkiest fart she could, and that it worked every time.

Hilary thought this was a great idea and decided to use it the next time Bill got frisky.

That night, Bill was in bed before Hilary. As soon as she slipped between the covers, Bill rolled over and Hilary knew he wanted some action. She had been saving her farts all day and let out the loudest, crudest fart she could.

Bill got up on one elbow and said, “Janet, that you?”

At least now, Mr. Clinton, we understand why mattresses are discounted
every Presidents Day.

Chelsea Clinton was home for Christmas break. She was having lunch with her dear mother, Hillary, just talking about typical girl stuff.

Hillary says to Chelsea, “My, my what a fine young lady you have turned out to be. Being a sophomore at Stanford and all, I’m so proud!”

Hillary proceeds to give Chelsea a hug then speaks softly and asks her a question. “Say, I was just wondering since you’re all grown up now. Have you , um , had sex yet?”.

Chelsea ponders and contemplates then responds.
“Um, not according to dad.”!

Monica needed to get one of her dresses cleaned so she takes it to the
dry cleaners. The man working there was an elderly man and was hard of
hearing.

Monica said,”I need this dress cleaned.”

The man said, “Come again?”

Monica replied, “No, it’s just mustard.”

One Day The President was out jogging without his guards.

All of a sudden a man with a ski mask jumped out from behind some bushes
with a gun.

The masked man said “Give me all your money!”

Unwilling to do so, the President said, “You can’t do this, I’m the
President!” The man then replied,…
“Oh, never mind then. Give me MY money!”